Decency

On celebrating being alive:

Take moments for granted
Treat people like shit
Be the biggest asshole you know you can truly be
Unbridled your ego
Look down on all those you know
Reminding them of your superiority
Because they will care about you even less
When you die
They will miss you even less,
You will become a bunch of nothing
And for once will have done something decent.

Forward

I need a den full off wolves ready to feed
To arrive in a place where satiation is devoured by
blood, bone and instinct
The sour breath of hunger
Seeping into my skin
From inside out
Seeking sustenance for the moment
Until the feast arrives
I chew on my leg
Numb to the feel or pain
Away I decompose until the scent
Caught in the morning air
Entices the senses to awaken
And body to begin stretching
Exploration and capture
But work first in the weariest of states
Pulling my own carcass up to meet the challenge
I howl inward and outward
Met by echoes and trembling
There is my call to step forward
Into the unknown
Collection and recollection
Can only happen after
I begin to move forward.

August 5, 2013

6 months

Almost 6 months out
and still you tangle your madness
with ease into my life
In quick passing moments
As you cut and cut me down
But there is nothing left for you
to cut now that I am
only bone
And dust
Rolling mountain stones
Crashed at the river bed
I wait for rain as you chop
Cordially deceiving truth
In misconstrued broken truths
How did I spend so much time
Believing I was broken
Untethered or lacking
Seeking knowledge of how to
Become enough
For what did I owe my broken heart
And tears
If you were never the river or mountain
I could never be cut to bone
If I have always been bone
from the start.

Fear Override

Tonight we hear the foxes
Or was it just fox
In the cool overnight
Seeking a robust dinner
In the tree line out back.

And just before they cackle
Or was it meow
In through the darkness
Our children crawl into our bed
In need of snuggles and hugs.

Do you hear that?
I whisper in the cool night
Tucking our son in,
You whisper
It’s the foxes.

But then another sound
More vicious than the first
In the darkness a pop
As bb pellets rip through the night
In search of the searcher preying.

We kiss our children
And hold them tight
Remembering at times
Our world can be a hostile place
For those on the journey
Praying for sustenance.

Dark morning hours
Awaken to a curtain
Of thick Earth steam
Rising to meet
The rising birds
And rising Sun
Stillness below the treetops
mammals coo nighttime songs
Breath of sleep
Quickening to greet
Early morning light
As the days grow
Soon before
they shrink again

Mess

your mess
the beauty
of chaos in surrender
unknown, unmet
uncaged
she cannot be tied down
or anchored at sea
meet her instead
in the vanishing vapors
of the night
where dawn meets day.

Arise

While the sun meets high noon
Shadows wrap the world
Shrouding curiosity and its illuminating mysteries
Shifting reality from magic
To assigned, shared, boxed reality
And at the threshold you wander
Uncertainty shaking boundaries
Wondering where truth and imagination overlap
Drafting plans of destiny
To the future you will call
Life
And there you will leave behind
Scraps of the time you learned to believe

Morning light peak in
Eyes open from the slumber
Energy tingling and shifting
noticing the bright light
Not sun but
moon fully suspended
Waves of sensual longing
To embrace the world
Engulf the goddess
As she awakens in full surrender
Within my soul.

Alone

It wasn’t always just bitter Saturday evenings

With broken hearts exchanged between us

There were moments when we’d see hope or fire

Burning in the warmth of our connection

The children never saw it once you fell in love with the bottle

Who lived in the basement and under the bed

Sometimes in your car or coat pocket

It bended us, that secret drink that wasn’t really a secret

Making us strangers in the most unsafe way

I remember coming home to the toddler, drinking your juice

Which they had added batteries to while your body spilled off the couch

In a lifeless tumble while Lightening McQueen’s face

Flashed on the menu screen, hours after the movie ending

You hadn’t died that night, not in a way that’s easy to understand

But I saw the person I loved was swallowed whole

By vapors of grain and years of grief

When spring comes I remember you for the promise you were

Capstone of safety and belongings, together we were supposed to

Overcome it all and find purpose

Only I found purpose in the baby and you found it in the bottle

Who never loved you back.

Remembering the Goddess

Even tied down with chains

and covered in a pile of the worst gunk imaginable,

a goddess will always remain a goddess.

For boxes and age will never tarnish the core of who she is,

divinely perfect in her inherent state

she is beyond the structure of words, time and society.

She is like the rivers that flow in the earth,

rising springs and rain from above.

You can bottle the product

but you have no way

to manifest the source without her.