Layers

Under all these layers,I am naked

The woman you try to kill

With your stolen

Assuaged inheritance of power

Was dead long before

Curtains curled back

Exposed shower kissed skin

Quivering of memories 

Bubbling up 

Like fists to the dog

Crippled over in loyal age

And windows smashing

“Happy Mother’s Day”

As the baby cried
What I would give

To die all over again

To never lose the last shred of my life

To you.

Miracles 

Don’t believe in miracles They told me

Perhaps when I was 6
When I discovered 

Men wanted to look at my body

And touch my skin
Not because they loved me

Or thought I was special 
Beautiful they called me

Through droopy voices

And scruffy 3 day beards
Perhaps it was then 

I stopped

Believing in ordinary magic

Poured into morning coffee cups
My sisters braided my hair

A ritual in the morning 

Sit still

Digging, prodding scalp combs

My hair was too white

Like me
At school I was too brown

But not brown enough to belong 

So I sat still 

Hoping straight braids

Passed down between hands

Would hide the poor dirty truth

I didn’t belong 
I didn’t. 
In a world with no magic 

Or miracles 

How could I ever exist 

When I myself was

A miracle 
Still alive after the dark silence

Of being small 

Hidden

Except when he told me

I was beautiful 
There is no amount of soap to wash it away

The spit of his sour morning breath

Or the browness I felt

Under my skin
Only the tightness of braids 

Felt like my home

As we did magic spells

Binding us together 

A home of children

Mothering children 

And trying to hold onto 

What was right and holy
Mourning light becomes

Morning light 

Miracles kissing my world

Birds sing 

Dew mist fairies 

Evaporate into morning sun
I sit alone, 

Waiting for braid my daughter’s hair

And kiss my son good morning 
May these miracles feel at home in magic 

And never know

What it means to be beautiful 

one year later

Alisa Muñiz 2017 all rights reserved

One year later
The scar remains
Still present
Though less tender
Between the bruises of love
You burned onto my spirit
And onto my skin
How was I to know
-18 degrees made it impossible
To register the pain
How was I to know
I would miss the aching reminder
Love is not pain

One year later
The scar remainsimg_8671

Love is neither patient nor kind
She’s a vicious beast
Devouring hope, dreams and self esteem
Next time I see her,
I’m going to bust her knee caps in
Or beg her to take my pathetic ass back.

Pressure

The pressure of your body
Is 10 steps away
7 of them
Up the steep
Narrow
Spiral staircase
I didn’t sleep a wink
You, so close
I hear your breath
As you sleep
And you, so far away
I am not sure
We ever touched

Alisa Muñiz MarrowSong All rights reserved 2017

Resentment

Resentment does not grow in neat rows
It is more like the spontaneous patch of crabgrass
I’ve seen it before, overtaking my garden
And I fear that even though
Our love is so big
Our love is so whole
The crabgrass will push through
As you realize I am not
The source of  perfection
I reflect back to you

Alisa Muñiz MarrowSong All rights reserved 2017

Survival Speculation

I am feeling very raw in my human experience today.

No particular reason,

More like a million particle reasons

Floating around in matter of mind-heart space.

I’m just breathing, remembering I am love(d).

Waves of honest truth bubbling up

Like the sweetness of being a mom,

When it wasn’t always so sweet as a kid,

In those moments I am failing But not hopeless

Waiting for response from the other side

A dissolved marriage,

Arriving at the dissolution of family vs the solution

I am met a passing breeze,

No longer the woman I met at the altar

But like the altered seams of my dress

Willing to change

Ultimately, I am ok.

Deeply and fully ok.

I carry in the cavernous halls of my soul,

A sustaining recollection of fortitude. And the physical pain in my bones reminds me

It is a gift to be alive,

While still the pain is like a sneak peak

Into what it might feel like to die.

But it is not time

This is just a moment of the journey

I’ve made it this far.

Through broken impoverished childhood, I have survive.

Through violations of body, flesh and safety, I have survived.

Through oceans rising and evaporating, I have survived. Having turned from the goddess’ first tear to the last grain of sand, I survived.

For only in this moment and only in my mind, is my fear greater than my truth.

I was born to live. I was born to know. I was born to be.

In within that, I shall thrive,

While being blessed with incredible moments of grace

Speak Now

Talk loudly if you need to sister,
Now is not the time to be silenced
Or held back by the layers of oppression
Be brave and speak truth right now
For years of being pushed back
Voices cast aside to reclaim the shadow
But do not turn your head sister
Do not stop speaking,
Especially when asked to “settle down”
Don’t, do not stop speaking
For all the years your voice has been shut off
Speak now, not just for your cause sister
Speak now for our daughters
Speak now for all the voices quieted
Before they ever had the chance to speak.

NaPoWriMo #14

Alisa Muñiz All rights reserved 2016

When I was a river I created a course to flow
Bending and yielding with graceful ease
It soaked love into the surrounding land

Travelling with nothing of my journey to show
I longed to touch and to become one with the seas
Until one day air told me they knew the way

Explaining all I needed was to trust I could expand
And be willing to remember how to play.

Part of the NaPoWriMo 2016 challenge