Resentment

Resentment does not grow in neat rows
It is more like the spontaneous patch of crabgrass
I’ve seen it before, overtaking my garden
And I fear that even though
Our love is so big
Our love is so whole
The crabgrass will push through
As you realize I am not
The source of  perfection
I reflect back to you

Alisa Muñiz MarrowSong All rights reserved 2017

Survival Speculation

I am feeling very raw in my human experience today.

No particular reason,

More like a million particle reasons

Floating around in matter of mind-heart space.

I’m just breathing, remembering I am love(d).

Waves of honest truth bubbling up

Like the sweetness of being a mom,

When it wasn’t always so sweet as a kid,

In those moments I am failing But not hopeless

Waiting for response from the other side

A dissolved marriage,

Arriving at the dissolution of family vs the solution

I am met a passing breeze,

No longer the woman I met at the altar

But like the altered seams of my dress

Willing to change

Ultimately, I am ok.

Deeply and fully ok.

I carry in the cavernous halls of my soul,

A sustaining recollection of fortitude. And the physical pain in my bones reminds me

It is a gift to be alive,

While still the pain is like a sneak peak

Into what it might feel like to die.

But it is not time

This is just a moment of the journey

I’ve made it this far.

Through broken impoverished childhood, I have survive.

Through violations of body, flesh and safety, I have survived.

Through oceans rising and evaporating, I have survived. Having turned from the goddess’ first tear to the last grain of sand, I survived.

For only in this moment and only in my mind, is my fear greater than my truth.

I was born to live. I was born to know. I was born to be.

In within that, I shall thrive,

While being blessed with incredible moments of grace

NaPoWriMo #14

Alisa Muñiz All rights reserved 2016

When I was a river I created a course to flow
Bending and yielding with graceful ease
It soaked love into the surrounding land

Travelling with nothing of my journey to show
I longed to touch and to become one with the seas
Until one day air told me they knew the way

Explaining all I needed was to trust I could expand
And be willing to remember how to play.

Part of the NaPoWriMo 2016 challenge

Withering Irises

Alisa Muniz Blanchard all rights reserved

Rumbling breath beating
Like hearts in the dark morning night
Clustered together we clench on to this momIRIS and Lenaent
Of whispering transition
Unknown mornings
I sit holding this old crone in one arm
With my young babe in the other
As fingers reach to
Feel breath
Feel memories
In your silly fur

I wish it would snow today
So that you could
Wrap your face in white
And vanishing snowballs
One more time
Before we have to face the truth
That you are so much a part of us
In your pitter patter panting presence,
You have done your work old girl
Building a home around us
Before we even knew we needed one.

Death

Alisa Muniz Blanchard all rights reserved

Death, it isn’t always quick, easy or gentle. Often there are heart wrenching moments of hope that “it” will get better.

But how does mystery heal or get better?

In what ways can wholeness mend except through transmutation?

So we sit, lingering in our aching hearts, as you take your time to finish the work you came to do.

Time makes only room to love you more.

RIP

Alisa Muniz Blanchard all rights reserved

The mysteries of existence
Well in tears
Like drops of light
Rolling down
My daughter’s
Sweet cheeks
Rivers and life
Open vulnerable space
In her mother’s heart.

                                        -rip Danny the bunny

Creation Myth

Alisa Muniz Blanchard 2014

Existing in the darkness
Deep slumber
Still before the stirring
The call to creation

She was, the original mother
Powerful creatrix of the
Heavens and the earth
Atabeisun

Ancient already
Atabei gathered pieces
Of the consuming
Expansive darkness

Creating two sons
Calibration and balance
Of light Yucajú
Of shadow Guacar

Yucajú, with the fertile earth
Collected stones for the sky
Illuminating the night
And from his heart, the sun and moon

The ground was rich
Trees and plants readily grew
And animals and birds came from Yucajú
To bless the earth and her growth

Guacar sat in shadow
Secluded and still
Watching as life came forth
At his brother’s calling

He stewed in this deep
Swollen silence growing like fury
Lone and forgotten Gaucar
Refused to enjoy the beauty

After a time Yucajú
Decided to honor his mother
Creation of a new life
as the first soul

Locou flourished
Celebrating Atabei and Yucajú
Kneeling in reverence
And wonder

However something stirs
In unseen shadow
Which calls forward bitterness
And vicious destruction

So Guacar trembled in envy
Shaking life from its roots
Separating the land with vibrations
Salty tears of his and man’s fears

Legacy laden with the blame and shame
His reconstruction of the earth
No longer an opportunity of change
Consumed by evil

Mighty shifts of the earth
Called for more gods
To manifest and
Reduce the devastation

To help, Yucajú
Gifted Locou fire instructing
Gather the up turned roots to
Cook cassava as food

Delighted by the beauty of fire,
Locou pulled open his bellybutton
Where from him came
As though he were a god himself, new life

A woman and a man
In likeness of Atabei and Yucajú
To carry the fire forward
Brightening the trembling shadows

In offering they cultivated the land
Celebrated the sun
Cried to the stars and
Blessed the separation of land by the waters

And in the stillness
When times slows just enough
You can still taste the sweetness
Of life before creation

Bridge Child:

Alisa Muniz Blanchard copyright 2014

I was born into the arms of my grandmothers
at the bridge,
where darkness touches light
and the colors meet
beginning to mix together
in the great melting pot

Thick like the blood of my ancestors
my grandmothers tears
burned through
silence
oppression
degradation

Arriving sweet and tender
kisses of life
a newborn
like fragile fragments of hope

Reawakening places
believed long dead and passed
through tattered fragments
promises of tomorrow
were celebrated
with reclaimed threads

Her heart
singing me awake
unto the world
an ancient vibrating life force
pushed into my bones
by her breath

A call to remember what
I was, before
I was born
when darkness touched light
and the colors met and mixed
to create this family’s
children of the bridge

Secret Filth

Alisa Muniz Blanchard copyright 2014

 

When I was born
my body was white
where you could see

a costume perfect
for hiding all the
dark, “dirty” crevices
and folds of my body
covering my secret,

I am one of “those”
you speak of

just before telling me:
settle down
why are you upset
you are not really like “them”

and what it all meant
was lost to me
as I dressed in my whiteness
my whole life dreaming

through the silence
denying the colors of my body
“they” strive to honor
“they” strive to embrace

in the absorption
of being
not really
like “them”
I stopped being
like me.

Fat Girl

Alisa Muniz Blanchard Copyright 2014

For most of my life I was fat
Hidden behind fat
“You’re not fat, you’re beautiful”
As though beauty couldn’t exist
In the cloak of my skin
Same as it does
On bones and tendons
Ashamed to be seen
I covered the fat girl
In layer after layer
Of unseen
Through the mass of self
Deprived existence
And echoing shame
Somehow I had forgotten
That every cell of my being
Was created by the dust
Of ancient stars