What cancer feels like

No one asks me what cancer feels like
Possibly because they are afraid
They might catch it from me
If I tell them about my pain
But you might want to know
Some day in the future
So I’ll tell you
Not about how long I have
Or don’t have
There is no answer to that
Instead I will tell you about the truth
Of dark loneliness which comes from
Needing to stay positive, brave and hopeful
To protect your loved ones from
The raw pain moving exerts over you
And the emptiness inside
When your Dr finally admits
What you knew all along
There are no good options
Now is the time to live
To make wishes come true
As though you keep a fucking fairy godmother
In your sock drawer for a rainy day
There isn’t a moment I don’t want to live
But cancer feels like pain
Indescribable and unbelievable pain
Sometimes worse pain than losing a baby
Just days after hearing her heartbeat
Both make you trust death
More than life
And you remember to stay positive, brave and hopeful
So no one else you love
Needs to know
Cancer feels like soul shattering life

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