I would never visit New York City in heels

Alisa Muniz Blanchard all rights reserved

Mrs. Davison was the lady, I believe,
Decked in the stunning bubble gum pink dress,
And florescent orange 5 inch heels, 
Strutting down in the center of Pittsfield, Mass
This past Friday at 12:06 PM.
Of course immediately my mind wondered
To Lady Gaga and a dungeon mistress
Do you think such a thing exists in this city?
Wait! No, I believe this happened on Saturday, actually.
Which considering the holiday, makes a little more sense
Because I believe they were dying bunny rabbits pink in the common.
So perhaps she had been wearing a white dress to start?
But you never know with Mrs. Davison,
Who is often found crediting the Simpsons
For the origin of the name Homer.
The first time it happened, I was at the bar
During a tornado watch and Anita Richards was with me
And we were plotting her divorce with Richie Richards
Who was anything but rich and he fucked
Just about anything with a pulse,
And perhaps even without a pulse
Not to mention he was a goddamn Yankee fan!
Anita Richards told me his dick was so small
The first time they fucked she tried not to laugh.
Before ordering the next round we decided to go out back
Because Mrs. Davison arrived with a dube for us to smoke.
I am not sure where she got it because it was wicked gross and
Tasted like the smell of vomiting in the toilet.
Anita Richards, whose maiden name was Johnston,
Decided we needed to hit up the packie for smokes
In hopes that Mrs. Davison wouldn’t follow.
But I had just opened a pack of Parliaments
So I told her we should go get candy to drop instead.
“Really? I would love that,” Mrs. Davison exclaimed.
For the life of me, I don’t know what had made
Mrs. Davison think Anita Richards and I were talking to her
And somehow we just couldn’t say “no.”
So when I saw, who I believed was Mrs. Davison
This past weekend, in her pink dress and orange heels
I speculated at the possibility I might have been dreaming
Or having a flashback of that night I decided
I would never visit New York City in heels

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