A letter to my 1st child

I wrote this piece awhile ago in honor of pregnancy and infant loss rememberance day; a “letter” to my first child.

I have a special place for all the families who have lost a pregnancy or child. Though loss is more common than we realize, it is so incredibly powerful. It can tear families apart, perhaps because our culture doesn’t allow us to process and share this grief. We are made to feel shamed at “still getting over that.” The thing is the grief from losing someone you love will never go away, but rather with proper nurturing it can become a healthy accepted part of you. It doesn’t matter if you lost someone at 10 wks gestation or 93 yrs of age, the people we love are the fine design on our own life’s tapastry. Without them, our life is just a plain cloth, allowing them to live in your memory is giving your own life a thread of vibrant color. With love and blessings on this day of rememberance. ~alisa


You are not lost to me though others call you a loss.
No breath ever came from your lungs
And your cries never woke us in the night,
Still I remember you, more often than I will admit.
A brief moment of life, too young to be seen
But caressed the space of my womb
A secret of mother and child of how it feels;
Hopes of so much more, grows within.
Suffering through the weak echo of a beat
My world and all I knew crashed.
Love manifested shouldn’t be so blemished,
Or seem so sever, completely unfair.
A gift like no other ever given to me in your life
Like the rainbow after the storm.
Allowed to rebirth my own life in yours,
The journey to forgive and begin all over again.
Peeling away the layers of fear to try once more,
Every ache or change reflected dread.
Worries of perfection slipping away from me,
Entangle the moment of sheer bliss.
Having birthed and nursed your sister I know now,
You are forever one of the finest gifts.
The motivation to completely love and be a family;
You reside in our hearts like a constant flutter.
Sometimes I see you sparkle in your sister’s eye;
A light unexpectedly shines so warmly.
Though she never knew you she holds your spirit
With an understanding even we couldn’t define.
Thank you for not only allowing us to know you briefly,
But for igniting love within our home.
You are as real today as you were then
And that is ok, in fact it is wonderful.

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